Happy Birthday America! Now get your shit together!
Dear USA, I’m sorry to bring this up on your birthday, but you have been living out of the house for 235 years now, and it’s time to get your shit together. I love you and really want the best for you. But shit like this has to stop. It’s a ‘don’t tread on me’ kind of thing you know? No taxation without representation? Yeah well, throwing parties in your new place is cool, but inviting over a bunch of bullies who sell all your shit out the back to pay for beer and then making those of us who behaved ourselves pay to replace everything is not. We just wanted to meet girls. Have a good night and try not to burn down anymore forests tonight. It’s dry out there in the West these days. Much love, Citizen Sinclair.